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 Pj's psyduck adventure part 1

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syduck98
Snivy
Snivy
syduck98


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Join date : 2010-12-20

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PostSubject: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 1:11 am

first let me say its probobly not gonna be good cuz im new to this... lets get started ! ( this will be a short part )

Pj hopped on his bike and drove into the woods, feeling the wind in his hair. He will be 13 years old in just 2 weeks, so he can get his first pokemon! They changed the rule because of all those stupid 10 year olds getting their pokemon killed and taking on gym leaders with magikarps.
Pj drove along and suddenly felt a sudden stop. His bike had got stuck on a tree root and he flipped over the handle bars. As he tried to get up, he felt the blood trickle down his arms. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise and a deep voice cussing at others. He looked up and saw the evil team toxic chase after a duck. From Pj's studying for the pokemon test ( to get his pokedex ) he knew it was a psyduck, and that it was being chased. The Team Toxic grunts cornered the psyduck, but hey did not notice him. The psyduck was making the team toxic grunts mad, so they said " lets just finish off this psyduck and get another one for the boss ". The second grunt took out this weird looking object and aimed it at the psyduck. The psyduck looked nervous and just held its head down and waited for its death. Pj got up and ran for the psyduck. The second rocket grunt shot flames out of the weird object at the psyduck, but before the flames could even harm the psyduck, Pj dove infront of the flames! His back was scorched by the flames and the Toxic grunts ran off, figuring they could make a quick get away. Pj had been knocked unconscience, and could only remember diving in front of the psyduck to shield it from the flames. Pj woke up in a hospital bed, with the psyduck right next to him, on a different hospital bed. " look! he's awake ! " said one of the nurses. Also, a police officer was standing in the room.

The officer began asking Pj questions about what happened, and Pj explained the whole thing. The officer asked Pj to come with her to the lab. Pj was helped into the officers car, and she drove back to Pj's hometown, and brought him to the lab. Professor Orenki ( pronounced Or-en-ky ) approached him and handed over a pokedex and 6 pokeballs. In amazement, Pj asked " what are these for? Im not old enough for a pokemon". Professor Orenki laughed and said " what you did in the forest was one of the bravest things I have ever heard in all of my years in studying pokemon". "W-w-wow, thanks! " stuttered Pj. The officer drove Pj back to the hospital, where the psyduck was waiting for him with the nurse. The psyduck knocked a pokeball out of Pj's hand, and captured itself! " Looks like this psyduck trusts you know " said the nurse. Pj picked up the pokeball and clipped it to his waist along with the other 5 empty pokeballs.

Ok guys i hope you enjoyed this part. it might have not been that great, but i tried :p
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Doctor_DraX
Metagross
Metagross
Doctor_DraX


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Scorpio Tiger
Posts : 7011
Join date : 2010-12-16
Age : 25
Location : Sinnoh

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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 2:00 am

I think its pretty good.

Very Happy wow thanks!
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silversalamence10
salamence
salamence
silversalamence10


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Pisces Dog
Posts : 4040
Join date : 2011-01-09
Age : 30
Location : Nowhere

Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 2:27 pm

i liked this part, well done for your first try, keep it up
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jd896
Porygon
Porygon
jd896


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Leo Rat
Posts : 844
Join date : 2010-12-18
Age : 27
Location : New York

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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 11:40 pm

It's not bad actually, but two things. What region? Kanto? A new one? And grammar needs work Wink
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syduck98
Snivy
Snivy
syduck98


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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 11:52 pm

new un-named region and yes i know my grammer needs work but im not gonna like publish this
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jd896
Porygon
Porygon
jd896


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Leo Rat
Posts : 844
Join date : 2010-12-18
Age : 27
Location : New York

Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 24, 2011 11:58 pm

You still need it. Improper grammar makes it look rushed and poorly written
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PokemonDude121
Porygon
Porygon
PokemonDude121


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Pisces Buffalo
Posts : 809
Join date : 2010-12-16
Age : 27
Location : USA

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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeWed Jan 26, 2011 10:51 pm

I like how this written more "story like" than the Screenplay style of other fanfics. (Don't get me wrong, those are still good too, I just like this style better. Razz)
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Doctor_DraX
Metagross
Metagross
Doctor_DraX


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Scorpio Tiger
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Age : 25
Location : Sinnoh

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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeSat Feb 05, 2011 4:51 pm

So wheres the next part?
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Doctor_DraX
Metagross
Metagross
Doctor_DraX


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Scorpio Tiger
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Location : Sinnoh

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PostSubject: Re: Pj's psyduck adventure part 1   Pj's psyduck adventure part 1 Icon_minitimeThu Mar 03, 2011 12:59 am

I gotta move this too fanfic section.
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